One Friday Later

Josh didn't have class until 11 today, so we slept in... 6:15 doesn't seem like sleeping in, but whatever. We made chocolate chip pancakes together that tasted awful. I was reaching for a cookbook and he said "my mom has a recipe, she knows how." Needless to say, that recipe was followed exactly. Tasted kind of like too much baking powder or salt. 

After that, we did a little math homework and talked. 

I went to school with him for his one Friday class (philosophy) to the U of A, but since it was a super small class, I didn't go in. I found the bookstore which happened to have the same book I was reading in Barnes and Noble in Minneapolis on my lunch break.... "Bridal Bargains." When the hour was close to being up, I navigated myself back to Josh through throbs of people, and we headed home. 

After lunch we packed up my stuff and I moved to the Smarts house. I got pretty quiet in the car over there, but when Josh asked me about it, I was trying to be strong and not cry...So, we made it there in pretty much silence, and knocked on the door. 

A waft of dog smell greeted me. Not like the house that I cleaned where the lady bred poodles and had a running count of 26. Just enough to make me want to get an air freshener. Mrs. Smart greeted us, and gave me a hug...Hmmm, yes, you look familiar, but not familiar enough to give me a hug....too touchy feely. But I guess she wanted me to feel welcome. 

Josh knew I wasn't up to chatting so we kept our visit short and sweet. He put all my stuff in a room (a twin bed, two nightstands boxing me in, and a dresser. Oh yes, a BIG closet with no doors.)

At least my bedroom has a door. I was advised to keep it shut, just in case the dog decides to leave a mark or eat my socks. Apparently, the other girl who lives there works for a vet, and the dog (Ruby) gets a little jealous. Maybe that's what I smelled when I walked in. 

I was comforted to know that girl- whoever she is, leaves her clothes on the floor, is hardly ever there, (in and out) and keeps her door shut. Josh doesn't even know anything about her. 

We left, and I tried not to cry the whole way back to Josh's house. 

But, he sat me down on the couch, asked me so sincerely and sweetly what was going on in my head and if I was ok that I had to explain. As horrible as I feel for saying I don't want to live there, and I wish we were just married, but I did it, and he let me cry on his shoulder.
He was understanding to say the least, and reassured me that he understands what a big leap I have taken and how scary it must be... And he knows how much I love him for doing this for him....

It made it all so much more worthwhile after hearing him say that :)
I managed to stop crying, and he dried my tears, and we talked for a little longer till he had to go to work.

I could have gone over to the Smarts, but they are having a family birthday party tonight, so I found the local library and signed up for my new card. I perused the books for about an hour and picked out two. 

"Born Under an Assumed Name" by Sara Taber 

and 

"Meat"

The first one is the memoirs of a Cold War spy's daughter, and the second a great book since I will soon be marrying Josh, and will be cooking. He LOVES meat!!!! I found it appropriate. It isn't really a cook book. It's about cooking meat, and it's huge, so hopefully I will glean something from it. And maybe be able to cook something too. 

I went to Home Depot too and made a copy of the house key. I am so thankful they have told me to come over ANY time. And as awkward as it was walking in to their house without Josh just to hang out (in a bedroom of course,) I think it will get easier. They just walked out the door to dinner, and I am going to watch a movie :) Big couch, big tv all to myself....I wish Josh was here. Im going over to the Y though to bring him taquitos..his favorite... 

That's all for today. Tomorrow will be another adventure. I hope it's easier....

 

Moving to Tucson

Life is changing so fast.

On Friday I am at CBS radio, answering phones, opening the door, talking to the radio hosts on WCCO, and drinking my Caribou.

On Tuesday, I'm on a plane, moving to Tucson, Arizona. I packed my bags the night before, and left at 4 in the morning. I took some Tylenol pm so I could sleep on the plane. It worked. I slept, and only cried a little bit of it. I took all my pictures off the wall, I emptied my bookshelves, and left my family.

Josh was excited....
Tuesday I sat in the Tucson airport till Josh finished class, then I spent the rest of my day with the love of my life. Needless to say, I was still quite sleepy, and took a 2 hour nap while he did homework. We didn't even watch tv :) That was nice.

I'm here till Friday, a week from the time my CBS job ended. And then, I enter even more unknown territory. The Smarts Family will be letting me move in with them. What a last name. It fits with what I know about them. An old married couple, the husband an engineer, and the wife a stay at home wife. Smart....

The only other thing I know makes me want to run away...
It makes the living situation almost unbearable...
I don't even want to whisper the words.
 But, here goes,

they don't drink coffee.... They  drink tea...... Who on earth drinks tea in America? Really? And in the morning? not even afternoon tea. It's breakfast tea. As I was packing I thought, nope, I am not bringing my french press. Everyone at least has a coffee maker. Nope, not these people. So I just might have mom ship me that french press. Because I am no tea drinker. I never will be. Maybe a sip here and there with my dainty sandwiches and petit fours, but not a ritual of weak flavored water. I won't survive this...

Friday I move to the Smarts....
No coffee, no Josh, and no job yet. So many changes.  One week in my life.

Turning 24

Today I am turning 24. Well, it's already done. I think I was blow drying my hair at 7:02 this morning....but Rosie and I shared a few minutes while I was still 23, and it was fun...

Her comment..."Patti, it's no surprise to me...in the last few minutes of your 23rd year, you are making a pot of coffee." She knows me too well :)

Speaking of coffee, Im drinking coffee right now, compliments of Starbucks...

that's right, my one birthday freebie I'm actually redeeming today. I've been saving it for 2 weeks, and lucky for me, my sister Katie gave me an inside scoop...

-Make it a venti- you are getting it for FREE-

-Get 4 shots of espresso 1/2 decaf- giving me the full flavor without the caffeine (esp since it's a venti)

-So, I followed her advice, and got a white mocha to balance out my coffee flavor...it's delicious...

But, it gets better- Steve Enck the producer for the Dave Lee morning show brought me a HUGE tub of chocolate chip cookies from "Sweet Martha's Cookie Jar" at the MN State Fair- not even knowing it was my birthday. These are famous cookies....and they were even warm.

So here I sit, with coffee and cookies, and a good thing too. I started off my 24th birthday early. 5:05am to be precise. But I really got up 20 minutes later, read my Bible (Prov 31 and Rom 8) and went for a run. I made it a fast and hard one, and I am already feeling it on my thighs... but maybe it will compensate for my Venti starbucks and tub of cookies.  
          -24-24-24-24-24-24-24

My thoughts....

24 sounds old- too old.
Why I am I going through life sooooo fast? Is there a way to slow it down??
wow, Im like....an adult. AAAHHHHH
I have a lot to write about for my 23rd year in review.

Thinking- inspired by Josh

11:35 pm

Bedtime

Thought time

Last glass of water time

Thought time.

Mostly at this point at night, I don't get much done. I should be in bed, but when I ask myself "What am I doing awake?" The answer is "I'm thinking." And at this point, sometimes thinking just trumps sleep. Not because I really want it to, it just happens.

I have a written history, not a educational history book, no newspaper article, no famous accomplishment, just blogging. But why?

Why do I do it? Who do I do it for? Myself? others? Would I want people to read my blog? Do I check my statistics to see who my audience is or how they happened upon my blog? Do I add pictures because it gives me a good feeling? Or to share? Do I actually feel a release of emotions when I write? Is there a difference in my writing online vs. on paper? Do I write for posterity's sake? or for a cataloged history of events in my life? Why don't I tell people about my blog? Do I have an inferiority complex? or too much pride? Do I feel like they will know too much about me? If so I could just write less personal things? Do I take pride in my writing? or is it pride in my thoughts? Do I care about people knowing my emotions? or the fact that I have emotions?

I stay awake at night thinking.

The weekend- then and now.

Weekends have and always will be a love-hate relationship. From the time I was 4 my endless chore lists were rewarded with a good old-fashioned swim, macaroni and cheese, kool-aid, and fun outside. Going to church on Sundays was a great time to be with friends and learn something about God.

Not much has changed. Now, my chores consist of endless reading, projects, and studying. I get more done on Friday nights and Saturdays than the rest of the week. My "expensive coffee," the few extra minutes on facebook, and an extended Bible-reading time make for a more relaxing morning.

I hit the books by 9am. And by afternoon Dunkin Donuts is calling my name. It has become my new favorite place. I get my free donut (recently it has been pumpkin) with the purchase of a coffee or latte, and I hunker down to Skype Josh for the next hour. It's tremendous fun and I hate to end our "face-to-face" conversation. My motivation upon returning to campus quickly weans after that, and I spend time perusing my books or talking to friends amidst my studying. Sundays start at 6 and end when I finish my homework after being in N. Carolina until 10.

Here I sit, Monday night, and wonder where did my weekend go? Not much has changed. I still get my "chores" done, and despite the stress it creates for me the rest of the week, I still make time for those enjoyable moments. Life is meant to be lived. One donut, one phone conversation, and one more weekend at a time.

Operating Room 101

Rule #1: When you are in the Operating Room, don't touch anything blue. Do not cough, sneeze, or laugh over it. Do not smell it. Do not taste it. Do nothing. Stand at least one foot away and say "Oh, that looks sterile!"

Rule #2: When applying a mask, do not peel off the sticker that says, "peel here." When removing the said mask, you get a nose wax with it.

Rule #3: When watching surgeries, don't offer to watch the same one twice in one day.... You will regret it.

Rule #4: Try not to laugh at the patient, despite how ridiculously funny they look.

Rule #6: Talk to the one who makes the most money. They usually have the most to teach you.

Rule #7: Talk to the one who makes the least amount of money. They are the funniest.

Rule #5: It's ok to dance to the music with the surgeon, the scrub tech, and the circulating nurse.

"Anything" of Excitement...

I had a friend ask me the other day what I was excited about.

ex·cit·ed

   [ik-sahy-tid] Show IPA

adjective

1.

stirred emotionally; agitated: An excited crowd awaited thearrival of the famed rock group.

2.

stimulated to activity; brisk: an excited buying and selling of stocks.

My immediate thoughts were of course turned to Josh, but I didn't just want to spout out the expected. So I asked him what he meant. "Anything" he said.

So "anything" of excitement was what I told him.

I was excited that we had left extension early. I had drank an extra cup of coffee at 6, and a medium diet coke at 8. I was awake enough to make the 2+ hour drive back to Greenville, and get some study time in.

I was excited to talk to Josh when I got back, because I didn't use to be able to. I love living in Grad Hall.

I am excited to be a nurse. I love nursing, and when I hear other people complaining about their job, going to work day in and day out, I just get happy thinking about being a nurse. I am going to love what I do. There aren't many who can say that. Beyond that, I know what I am doing isn't just another job in the factory. I will be making a difference, saving lives, bringing new lives into existence. What could be more invigorating and exciting than that? I can go anywhere and do anything.

I am excited to someday move to Tucson and eventually marry Josh. It isn't so much the mushy gushy part of our relationship. It's the sitting on the couch next to your best friend watching the football game, taking walks to the park, promising to teach him how to make pecan pie, telling stories about work, praying together, carving initials in a tree. It's being there together. Not the 1891 miles and 3 times zones apart. Not the "only seeing each other once every couple of months." Not a short phone call or once a week skype date. It's just hanging out and being together that I am excited for..

I am excited to live. I am excited to love. I am excited to someday see God. I am excited to sleep.

Why? Because I expect them? Because my anticipation has been building and therefore my excitement has?

I don't think so. I think my excitement is sheer joy. Reveling in what I don't deserve, but what I have been given. My excitement is in the gifts from God, whether big or small.