One Friday Later

Josh didn't have class until 11 today, so we slept in... 6:15 doesn't seem like sleeping in, but whatever. We made chocolate chip pancakes together that tasted awful. I was reaching for a cookbook and he said "my mom has a recipe, she knows how." Needless to say, that recipe was followed exactly. Tasted kind of like too much baking powder or salt. 

After that, we did a little math homework and talked. 

I went to school with him for his one Friday class (philosophy) to the U of A, but since it was a super small class, I didn't go in. I found the bookstore which happened to have the same book I was reading in Barnes and Noble in Minneapolis on my lunch break.... "Bridal Bargains." When the hour was close to being up, I navigated myself back to Josh through throbs of people, and we headed home. 

After lunch we packed up my stuff and I moved to the Smarts house. I got pretty quiet in the car over there, but when Josh asked me about it, I was trying to be strong and not cry...So, we made it there in pretty much silence, and knocked on the door. 

A waft of dog smell greeted me. Not like the house that I cleaned where the lady bred poodles and had a running count of 26. Just enough to make me want to get an air freshener. Mrs. Smart greeted us, and gave me a hug...Hmmm, yes, you look familiar, but not familiar enough to give me a hug....too touchy feely. But I guess she wanted me to feel welcome. 

Josh knew I wasn't up to chatting so we kept our visit short and sweet. He put all my stuff in a room (a twin bed, two nightstands boxing me in, and a dresser. Oh yes, a BIG closet with no doors.)

At least my bedroom has a door. I was advised to keep it shut, just in case the dog decides to leave a mark or eat my socks. Apparently, the other girl who lives there works for a vet, and the dog (Ruby) gets a little jealous. Maybe that's what I smelled when I walked in. 

I was comforted to know that girl- whoever she is, leaves her clothes on the floor, is hardly ever there, (in and out) and keeps her door shut. Josh doesn't even know anything about her. 

We left, and I tried not to cry the whole way back to Josh's house. 

But, he sat me down on the couch, asked me so sincerely and sweetly what was going on in my head and if I was ok that I had to explain. As horrible as I feel for saying I don't want to live there, and I wish we were just married, but I did it, and he let me cry on his shoulder.
He was understanding to say the least, and reassured me that he understands what a big leap I have taken and how scary it must be... And he knows how much I love him for doing this for him....

It made it all so much more worthwhile after hearing him say that :)
I managed to stop crying, and he dried my tears, and we talked for a little longer till he had to go to work.

I could have gone over to the Smarts, but they are having a family birthday party tonight, so I found the local library and signed up for my new card. I perused the books for about an hour and picked out two. 

"Born Under an Assumed Name" by Sara Taber 

and 

"Meat"

The first one is the memoirs of a Cold War spy's daughter, and the second a great book since I will soon be marrying Josh, and will be cooking. He LOVES meat!!!! I found it appropriate. It isn't really a cook book. It's about cooking meat, and it's huge, so hopefully I will glean something from it. And maybe be able to cook something too. 

I went to Home Depot too and made a copy of the house key. I am so thankful they have told me to come over ANY time. And as awkward as it was walking in to their house without Josh just to hang out (in a bedroom of course,) I think it will get easier. They just walked out the door to dinner, and I am going to watch a movie :) Big couch, big tv all to myself....I wish Josh was here. Im going over to the Y though to bring him taquitos..his favorite... 

That's all for today. Tomorrow will be another adventure. I hope it's easier....

 

Moving to Tucson

Life is changing so fast.

On Friday I am at CBS radio, answering phones, opening the door, talking to the radio hosts on WCCO, and drinking my Caribou.

On Tuesday, I'm on a plane, moving to Tucson, Arizona. I packed my bags the night before, and left at 4 in the morning. I took some Tylenol pm so I could sleep on the plane. It worked. I slept, and only cried a little bit of it. I took all my pictures off the wall, I emptied my bookshelves, and left my family.

Josh was excited....
Tuesday I sat in the Tucson airport till Josh finished class, then I spent the rest of my day with the love of my life. Needless to say, I was still quite sleepy, and took a 2 hour nap while he did homework. We didn't even watch tv :) That was nice.

I'm here till Friday, a week from the time my CBS job ended. And then, I enter even more unknown territory. The Smarts Family will be letting me move in with them. What a last name. It fits with what I know about them. An old married couple, the husband an engineer, and the wife a stay at home wife. Smart....

The only other thing I know makes me want to run away...
It makes the living situation almost unbearable...
I don't even want to whisper the words.
 But, here goes,

they don't drink coffee.... They  drink tea...... Who on earth drinks tea in America? Really? And in the morning? not even afternoon tea. It's breakfast tea. As I was packing I thought, nope, I am not bringing my french press. Everyone at least has a coffee maker. Nope, not these people. So I just might have mom ship me that french press. Because I am no tea drinker. I never will be. Maybe a sip here and there with my dainty sandwiches and petit fours, but not a ritual of weak flavored water. I won't survive this...

Friday I move to the Smarts....
No coffee, no Josh, and no job yet. So many changes.  One week in my life.

Turning 24

Today I am turning 24. Well, it's already done. I think I was blow drying my hair at 7:02 this morning....but Rosie and I shared a few minutes while I was still 23, and it was fun...

Her comment..."Patti, it's no surprise to me...in the last few minutes of your 23rd year, you are making a pot of coffee." She knows me too well :)

Speaking of coffee, Im drinking coffee right now, compliments of Starbucks...

that's right, my one birthday freebie I'm actually redeeming today. I've been saving it for 2 weeks, and lucky for me, my sister Katie gave me an inside scoop...

-Make it a venti- you are getting it for FREE-

-Get 4 shots of espresso 1/2 decaf- giving me the full flavor without the caffeine (esp since it's a venti)

-So, I followed her advice, and got a white mocha to balance out my coffee flavor...it's delicious...

But, it gets better- Steve Enck the producer for the Dave Lee morning show brought me a HUGE tub of chocolate chip cookies from "Sweet Martha's Cookie Jar" at the MN State Fair- not even knowing it was my birthday. These are famous cookies....and they were even warm.

So here I sit, with coffee and cookies, and a good thing too. I started off my 24th birthday early. 5:05am to be precise. But I really got up 20 minutes later, read my Bible (Prov 31 and Rom 8) and went for a run. I made it a fast and hard one, and I am already feeling it on my thighs... but maybe it will compensate for my Venti starbucks and tub of cookies.  
          -24-24-24-24-24-24-24

My thoughts....

24 sounds old- too old.
Why I am I going through life sooooo fast? Is there a way to slow it down??
wow, Im like....an adult. AAAHHHHH
I have a lot to write about for my 23rd year in review.

Thinking- inspired by Josh

11:35 pm

Bedtime

Thought time

Last glass of water time

Thought time.

Mostly at this point at night, I don't get much done. I should be in bed, but when I ask myself "What am I doing awake?" The answer is "I'm thinking." And at this point, sometimes thinking just trumps sleep. Not because I really want it to, it just happens.

I have a written history, not a educational history book, no newspaper article, no famous accomplishment, just blogging. But why?

Why do I do it? Who do I do it for? Myself? others? Would I want people to read my blog? Do I check my statistics to see who my audience is or how they happened upon my blog? Do I add pictures because it gives me a good feeling? Or to share? Do I actually feel a release of emotions when I write? Is there a difference in my writing online vs. on paper? Do I write for posterity's sake? or for a cataloged history of events in my life? Why don't I tell people about my blog? Do I have an inferiority complex? or too much pride? Do I feel like they will know too much about me? If so I could just write less personal things? Do I take pride in my writing? or is it pride in my thoughts? Do I care about people knowing my emotions? or the fact that I have emotions?

I stay awake at night thinking.